Jungles: concrete, abstract, vegetated

Conveniently, everyone I know has a calendar that starts in January and ends in December. This totally arbitrary system for keeping track of time has one distinct benefit: everyone I know is reflecting on the past and thinking about the future at about the same time. Since I like to know what people are doing with their lives, it is only fair that I share what I am doing with mine.

After 33 months of exclusively-Filipino experience in Southeast Asia, my girlfriend and I decided, through a complex process of pooling our pocket lint on a table to see if one of us would have to sleep with the pilot to get us on a plane, to go to Peninsular Malaysia.

Geographically, Malaysia is conveniently separated into two large pieces by the South China Sea. Malaysian Borneo is mostly Jungle and Elephants, Peninsular Malaysia, to the west, has these as well but is slightly better developed.

Culturally, Malaysia is a halo-halo (a Bikol word for mixture of completely random ingredients that don't necessarily share any traits whatsoever; conveniently, it is also a dessert) of Indians, Malays, Chinese, and both clean and smelly backpackers.

Mostly, the trip was a way to escape the food and noise of the Philippines for somewhere a bit cleaner, with deeper jungle and wilder animals.





Oil money sure can make some REALLY nice buildings





If aliens intend to contact rural Malaysia, at least we know they are prepared.





Jess vs. the Elephant





Monkeys!!!





Monkeys taking pictures of monkeys!!!





Even 5 ton elephants are no match for the MEGAFLICK





SQUISH!!!





That small child is having his hand eaten by a giant tentacle!!!





The largest Buddha in Malaysia





It could've been an Ent





Another very SINuous tree (no pun intended, even though it WAS in a church)





Hair for sale!




BEFORE YOU GO:

While Jessica and I were staying on Penang Island, the Pearl of the Orient so they say, we were located at a backpacker's hotel in the center of Georgetown. Jessica managed to get a fever and was bedridden for about 2 days. Over these days, I had to try hard to entertain myself; I didn't want to leave for fear of the paperwork involved in disposing of an American corpse in a Muslim country. I spent a good deal of time on one of two free internet terminals at the hotel looking for the appropriate forms and doing other things to pass the hours while the patient was sleeping. The last day we stayed there, I was getting ready to leave when a fat, round, ungroomed head throws itself at an awkward angle in between me and the computer monitor.

"Are you a YANK?" It belches

"Yes, I am. Why?" I respond with utter eloquence and humility

"That bloody explains it! I have been staying at this bloody hotel for 3 bloody days and every time I come out of my bloody room to use the bloody internet you are bloody on it bloody!!!!" It regurgitates after what was clearly several minutes of build-up before this encounter.

"Excuse me, I wasn't aware that you needed to make use of the efficient and currently-unavailable conveniences this marvelous establishment has to offer." I said with a touch of humility that could have changed the mind of a starving leopard looking to feast upon my angelic presence.

What followed was a pointless exchange where it was obvious that not only did he not actually want anything but didn't want me to apologize for having not done for him what I didn't know he wanted.


"Well, I'm sorry I couldn't help you out; can you please leave?" I say

"[ranting]... AND THIS IS WHY YOU YANKS ARE LOSING THE WAR IN IRAQ"

WTF?F?!?!?!?

Peace out and happy new year.