Long's Peak and Extreme Irony

"“Extreme ironing - the latest danger sport that combines the thrills of an extreme outdoor activity with the satisfaction of a well-pressed shirt"

Summer in Colorado translates to fit, young people put themselves in harms way for reasons as simple as a story to tell while eating or drinking. 14,000+ foot peaks abound in Colorado, so anyone desensitized to the ups and downs of daily life in the city puts on their hiking boots and hits whatever trail they can find.

Long's Peak is one of the most famous non-technical perspective-providing climbs in Colorado. At 14,255 ft. it is tall enough that the peak is subject to year-round storms of unbelievable intensity. Epic adventure of this sprt serves to remind me of my own insignificance in the grand scheme; I am a speck at the mercy of nature; a fly to be swatted.

Life and limb are only fun to risk if you have someone to risk it with. My buddy Alex, his friend Abe and I decided that life was too safe and in need of risk.

We packed rain gear, warm clothes, 5-too-many-pounds of food, headlamps, water, a first aid kit, pocket knives, 4 liters of coffee and, on an impulse, an iron. My first thought as we pulled away from Alex's house in Boulder at 1 AM was how good a freshly ironed pair of socks at the summit would make the trip.

We set out on the trail at 2:30AM and used the waxing gibbous moon instead of flashlights for as long as tree cover let us. The first 2 hours of the hike saw us bearded Boulder boys passing more than 10 other hikers on the way to the front of the pack. During the high season, this trail is known as the Conga Line; a dance which is really only fun if you are at the front, with the basket of fruit on your head.

At 4:30 we reached what the guidebooks called the Boulder Field; an increasingly steep pile of house-sized rocks. Navigation from cairn to cairn by moon- and flash-light proved difficult but manageable. The Boulder Field ends at a gaping maw of chunky, angular rock called the Keyhole. The Keyhole is known to have some of the strongest wind on the mountain due to its exposure. From the Keyhole, we began to follow a series of markers called fried eggs (painted yellow circles in painted red circles that mark the trail).


The Keyhole, as seen from low in the Boulder Field; I took this on the way down


Once we moved passed the high winds of the Keyhole, we began a traverse along the west side of the mountain. On the traverse, we ran across a man lying in a sleeping bag. This man and his son had been climbing the mountain the day before us and he had fallen and dislocated his ankle at the bottom of the toughest part of the hike after reaching the summit. His son carried a sleeping bag up to him and he spent the night under a rock on an exposed ledge thousands of feet above the valley floor. He told us that a group of rescuers was en-route but that, due to rescue protocol, they would not arrive until dawn. Later in the day, we heard a helicopter carry him off to safety. The easiness with which he coped with his perilous predicament made us feel a bit safer and better taken care of.

We left the injured man and finished the traverse in an hour or so. At the end of the traverse is the Trough; a 2000 ft. near-vertical channel lined with giant contiguous slabs of granite. Hiking through the thinned air at the 11,000 ft. start of the Trough was a lot like being strangled while working out on a stairmaster. To cope with the lack of oxygen, I put a mental system of 10 steps, stop, 10 breaths, into effect; at this rate, I could climb steadily.


Alex, at the top of the Trough
(note the large group 2000 feet below)

After the Trough is a skinny ledge that wraps around the mountain briefly. We were feeling in need of some food, so we took a 20 minute break and I used that time to iron my pants before putting them on.


The tool of the trade


A brief break to remove wrinkles and make myself presentable


From the ledge, we advanced to what is called the Home Stretch. This 60 degree slope of nearly crack-free rock was the closest thing on the route to a technical ascent. A single slip or misplaced foot could lead to a vertical mile of tumbling to the rocky valley below.


Looking down the Home Stretch to the valley below and the mountains beyond


One final oxygen-deprived push left us both mentally and physically breathless as we looked out across the large, flat summit at 8AM. It had taken us 5.5 hours to reach the top (most guidebooks recommend 8 hours), so a break was in order.


Abe and Alex; enjoying a good sit at 14,255 feet


On the summit of most mountains in Colorado is a guestbook of sorts. You sign the book with your name and time of arrival as a way of feeling a sense of recorded accomplishment. At the top of Long's Peak was a standard logbook as well as a zip lock bag with a disposable camera and a note with instructions for us to take pictures of ourselves and leave an email address so we could get the pictures later. I decided that the owners of the camera should know how comfortable we really were on this hike, so I ironed my backup pair of socks and put them on; warm feet are hard to beat.



Freshly-ironed socks were a luxury I was unwilling to give up for this mountain adventure



The tool at the top


We sat for an hour at the summit and watched other hikers perform their various summit rituals; some shared stoves and soup, some brought beer, some smoked cigars, some simply smiled in the summer sun. We stayed for an hour, soaking up the day, then shouldered our packs and began the descent; known in some circles as the A-knee-ilator.

Returning down the steep-sided chasms in the morning light gave us new fears and shakes. When danger is more obvious, it is MUCH scarier.


The wide valley below the Trough, now visible in the daylight


We followed what we thought was the trail we had arrived by but came to a feature called the False Keyhole. Confused, we read a very large warning label that mentioned how dangerous and wrong this route was. It took 20 minutes or so, but eventually we found our way to the actual Keyhole.



The front side of the False Keyhole; a 1000 foot sheer rock face.


We passed the Keyhole and the Boulder Field with no issues, decided we were making amazing time and took a nap on a sunny rock.

After our nap, we hucked it and broke into a near-jog for the 6 miles back to the ranger station and Long's Peak trail head parking lot. We arrived at 2:30 PM, 11.5 hours after starting out. Being too tired to mentally function, we went back to Alex's house and enjoyed 3 men's shares of delicious microbrew.


A last look back at Long's Peak


Recommendations for potential climbers:
- You should ARRIVE at the Long's Peak trailhead parking lot no later than 2:30 AM. We took one of the last available spaces when we arrived.
- You should be off the summit before noon to avoid the daily storms (even in the summertime).
- There is no where to get water; bring at least 3 liters apiece.
- Esoteric items are totally worth the mountaintop photo op.
- Don't eat a 12oz. steak 6 hours before getting on the trail; your farts will kill even the hardiest of mountain men walking behind you.
- If you live in Colorado, MAKE TIME TO DO THIS EPIC HIKE.

Until next time

Your favorite Extreme Ironer

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